paying the price

it's been forever since my last post. and there are a bunch of articles in my draft box which i don't plan on posting. oh well.

yesterday, i went out with lou's team to practice for their bowling tournament next weekend. it has been quite sometime since i last played and to make things worse, we were going to play at SM Megamall, one of my most hated bowling spots.

Megamall had changed their houseballs (no longer the extremely small holed balls making it almost impossible to throw) so things seemed to be looking better than what i expected. i bowled a 150+, another 150+ and a 180+. by the end of the third game i was tired. but they still wanted to play so tyhe fourth and fifth games where 120+.

after that, we went out to dinner with alan and sars, and then a movie (step up) it was like 1 am when i got home and after poking at the net for a while, it was around 3 am when i finally got to sleep.

yesterday was a good day. fun with friends. saw a movie. saw a couple of friends who i weren't scheduled to see (mon and tweety who were in megamall for a check up and kd and jorge who also watched step up and cha who i heard was there but i didn't see)

and today, i paid for all the fun i had yesterday. my whole body is sore from all the bowling. i wouldn't be surprised if my fingers fell off while typing now. i had to wake up a little earlier than usual because of people knocking at my door. so ill probably be drowsy the rest of the day.

so today, ill be paying the price for all the fun i had yesterday. oh well. i think its a cheap price to pay for yesterday.

and on a side note, happy birthday vanie!

naming stuff

i was watching monsters inc earlier. one line just struck me. i saw the movie several million times before but hearing it now was just different.

Sulley, you're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it! Now put that thing back where it came from, or so help me...

suddenly realized that is why up to now, i have a problem letting go. when friends ask how i'm doing, its a quick "ok lang" as a reply. but i still am not. maybe because i named him, little baby jeboy.

why am i still so hung up on losing him. i mean, i never got to hold him in my arms, never got to see him smile, never got to talk to him, hear him laugh. never got to see him, and yet here i am, three weeks later still depressed. maybe it's because i named him. little baby jeboy. and by naming him, i got attached. i declared ownership and now i can't let go.

*sigh*

i have my good days. days where life has just gone on, days where nothing happened. but there are days when i'm not, when i'm nowhere near ok. there are days when i'd rather just crawl under a rock and die. days where i just can't get little baby jeboy out of my head. and unfortunately, this is one of those freaking days. thanks to monsters inc.

*sigh*

ill just sleep my depression off.

picking up the pieces

it's been two weeks since my last post. two whole weeks. yep, i'm still alive. maybe a little jaded from what i went through but alive nonetheless.

for the unaware, i lost little baby jeboy (that's what i named the baby) this past few days. we went in for our first ultrasound two weeks ago and discovered that the baby lou was carrying didn't have a heartbeat. so we were forced to let him go (i'd still like to think that he was a he though i will never find out now).

and after my hiatus from work, i come back to around 20K worth of solicitations. baaaah... and then to make things worse, everything i worked for this past few months at work was washed away by a week and a half of absence. people would comment "eh ang hirap mong hanapin ngayong mga araw na ito eh, di paano pa kung manalo ka?" like duh? don't they understand what we went through.

and after helping the same person for around a hundred times, they tend to notice the single time you weren't there when they needed your help. how about the other hundred? people... hmpf! and they have the nerve to shove it to your face. oh well. that's life... correction, that's the life of a politician.

so here i am, still alive, jaded and disillusioned but alive.